Impossible Banking

At school, along with some students I have raised some money for a charity. Tonight I am wondering why I bothered. The money continues to sit in an envelope in my house.

I have been to four banks. FOUR banks. NONE of them have been able to transfer the money to the charity. It has taken me the best part of two months to get to where I am now, which is nowhere.

I checked before I went to the bank what I needed to bring to complete a transfer: money and the bank account of the charity. Simple.

Bank number one: "we don't transfer cash. No cash can be transferred."

Bank number two: "yes we can transfer cash but we need your passport." I don't have my passport. You didn't tell me I needed to bring my passport.

Bank number three: "this bank doesn't do anything." Huh? What? Why are you here? Why are you calling yourself a BANK? What is the point of your existence? "All of our other branches transfer money, not us."

Bank number four: I arrive with my passport, at a branch recommended especially because it CAN transfer money. Here is my conversation:

Me: Hi. Can I transfer some money please?

Teller: No.

Me: I was told I could transfer money here.

(Teller shouts in Chinese at someone else. He waves me in her direction.)

Me: Hi. Can I transfer money please?

Teller 2: Yes.

Me: Here it is. Here are the details.

Teller 2: But you can't transfer money today. We don't do foreign transfers after 3pm.

Me: It's not a foreign transfer. It's to Shanghai. One hour away.

Teller 2: Oh, ok... No. You can't transfer any money after 3.

Me: I have a job. I can never be here before 3. Can you keep the money in a safe, I'll fill out the documents and you can do it tomorrow?

Teller 2: Ok... no. We can't keep money.

Me: You're a bank. You must have somewhere to keep money.

Teller 2: No, nowhere to keep money.

Me: Can I put the money in my account, then call you tomorrow to transfer it?

Teller 2: You can put the money in your account, but you need to be here in person before 3 to transfer it.

Me: I can never, NEVER be here before 3. I have a job.

Teller 2: Do you have friends?

Me: I have friends with jobs who can never be here before 3. Are you open on a Saturday?

Teller 2: Yes.

Me: Great. I'll come on Saturday.

Teller 2: You can't transfer money on a Saturday.

Me: So what you're telling me is that you're a bank that can NEVER, NEVER, transfer money for me. I can never send this money to a charity. You cannot keep my money anywhere - even though you are a bank. You cannot put my money in my account and allow me to transfer it by phone even though I am a customer of your bank. There is NO TIME and NO WAY I can EVER transfer this money?

Teller 2: Yes.

CHRIST!