Chinese Toilets

I have had my fair share of bizarre toilet experiences in China. In Beijing there's a mall that has toilets you go inside, close the door and you can see through the doors and walls to everyone OUTSIDE the toilet (slightly unsettling.) I have had to get off a crowded bus to pee on a motorway verge, in sight of the entire bus. People took photos of my giant, white bum and compared it excitedly in Chinese to the moon. And, of course, there have been the many hutong toilets - holes in the floor, no partitions or door around so you squat and watch everyone around pee. Lovely.

This week I went to the toilet at work. A normal toilet. Normal door. Normal walls. No one peeing beside me. I had my glasses tucked into the top of my shirt. As I leaned over to press the flush on the toilet, the glasses fell out and were sucked away. Sucked away. My. Very. Expensive. Glasses. Gone.

What do you do in that kind of situation? I laughed slightly hysterically. I ran out of the toilet, found Alan and shouted 'I've just flushed my glasses down the toilet! What do I do?' He looked at me like he didn't understand the words coming out of my mouth. I had a class to take. I ran along to the classroom, burst in the door and said 'I've just flushed my glasses down the toilet! What do I do?'

It turns out that this may be a situation that has never really happened before. No one knows what to do.

Toilet life seemed to go on as normal. The glasses were irretrievable in everyone's opinion. I was gutted.

Two days later I passed the offending toilet and noticed two ayis furiously plunging at the toilet. Later, a sign appeared stating the toilet was 'out of order'. I'll say. Then a mechanical pumping machine appeared and started churning water in the toilet. Signs appeared everywhere stating: 'please do not flush paper or tissues down the toilet.' What about glasses I thought?

The ayis said that people kept going to the toilet, kept flushing and it would block. They didn't know why. I tried explaining. It didn't translate. I gave up on the glasses.

About 5 days later I got an email: "Morning all, Anyone left a pair of Ray Ban glasses in the toilet (staff only) on the second floor? They are with me now." Surely they didn't mean IN the toilet?

They did. Smeared glasses were returned to me. I don't think I can ever wear them again.